We all believe we have stumbled upon moments in our life that define us or define the meaning of life.  We try to learn from them and often times we are humbled by them.  If we are willing to learn and grow as people, these moments shape us and help us realize what is truly important in life.   We drop the drama and silliness of our youth and become truly productive people that are reliable and trustworthy.  Our children, parents, friends and spouses can count on us when we grow from these moments.

For me, until I reached February 18, 2014, the most defining moment of my life came the day my daughter Hannah was born nine weeks premature.  I knew she was going to be born early.  I knew we both had a risk of losing our life that day.  I have never looked at life the same after holding a four pound infant in my arms that had already shown a desire to just be alive.  You can’t spend time in the ICU watching babies fight for life and not learn a lesson.  If you leave that room and ever act petty again you have missed an opportunity you will never get again.  Watching parents say goodbye to a newborn that doesn’t survive gives you depth you didn’t know you were capable of.

I never truly believed anything could touch me more than those days in the ICU.  I matured in a way that you almost don’t want to even though my daughter survived and is a thriving and healthy 10-year-old.  I never lost the message and still look at her with the same amazed look as I did watching her fight for oxygen in those first days.  I remember leaving the hospital with her after a month in the ICU and feeling like no other day could ever teach me more.  On February 18, 2014 my newest nephew was born into the world.  He carries with him a name that means so much.  His middle name is my brother’s – a man I have tremendous respect for.  He started his life over and found the love of his life and had another child at the age of 43.  No regrets.  No questions.  And he is already in love with his son.  His first name Jonathan gives him very important initials.  JK.  A man we lost to a horrible accident 2.5 years ago and is still greatly missed today.  And then there is the defining moment.  Jonathan’s grandfather, who was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given nine months to live almost four years ago, was able to hold his grandson.

We went and picked my Dad up at his house and had the opportunity to help him into the car and up to that nursery.  As a family, and by family I mean my mom (who is his ex-wife), my husband, my kids, my sister, my brother’s ex-wife, and all of Jonathan’s maternal side sat together and watched one generation say hello to the next in the most profound example of the circle of life.   I wasn’t just struck by the moment itself but also the people in it.  There was no hostility about divorce or lives that went in different directions.  My mom and my step-mom were there together and whatever happened between them in the past was of zero significance in the moment they welcomed new life while also painfully knowing they were saying  goodbye to the older generation.  There was no discussion of failed marriages or disputes that may have caused them.   There was just Jonathan.  And all of us.  And a moment that only the heart can capture.  A camera just tells the story frame by frame but not tear by tear.  My son and my older nephew were overcome with emotion and stood there two men not afraid to express their true feelings.  I love that they feel comfortable doing that.  They don’t know it now but that expression of emotion will define them one day as well.

As I write this, my nephew is still in the hospital waiting for his mom to go home and my dad is being visited daily by hospice.  It is a roller coaster of emotions and most of them are amazing and defining.  It strengthens everyone involved and reminds us once again what is truly precious in life.  All of the buzzing around us is just noise – simple and mostly useless noise.  The heart is what matters.  Love and hope.  Life and death.  The rest is just the minor detail that fills in the gaps between the moments that truly define your life.  My advice to my own children is to not over live in the noise but to instead wait for the opportunities to show who they really are when life calls on them to shine.