Tag: family

10/03/2014

CourtneyOOctober 3, 2014Comments OffBlog, Chris

Last night was a great night at the house. There were several kid activities going on so there was a bit of running around, but it all went smoothly. We always enjoy the evenings, but last night was one of those unexplainable nights where everything is just a little bit better…….things get accomplished with seemingly little effort, people are laughing and relaxing……stuff like that. Just a good night. Which I really appreciated because Katie had had such a rough night before. After the kids went to sleep we were going to watch a TV show we had recorded and Katie conked out before the credits. Good. She also slept pretty well and woke up this morning feeling 100% better than the day before, which is not to say she felt great, but better. We went off to our appointment and this morning the doctor performed the ultrasound to check her follicle growth. The 6-7 from the day before are growing along nicely with one who is especially in the lead. The doc also told us that we’re on track for an extraction on Monday (in 3 days) which was good to hear because good, bad or otherwise, Katie and I both live and die by THE SCHEDULE. So, now that we have one we can both relax a bit. Also, Katie only needs to do shots through tomorrow night and I’m glad for her so she doesn’t need to keep puncturing her abdomen.

After today’s appointment I was pretty emotional for some reason. I’ve been excited, but this was different and I’m still not 100% sure why. Up until now I’ve just been trying to help Katie with her shots and make her comfortable however I can (typical guy step-to-step-to-step behavior I suppose), but with the extraction on Monday we’re close to the point where they fertilize the egg and see how things go. While this process obviously isn’t the typical way to have children, it still involves the merging of your core with someone you love and there is something very pure and special about it, albeit more scientific. Katie is pretty amazing and I’m a lucky guy to get to share this with her. So there you go. [DISCLAIMER – clearly this paragraph will impact my man card street cred status and so be it. S**t happens]

Debby & Katie

CourtneyOOctober 2, 2014Comments OffUncategorized

Oh, Katie … your article today was so timely for me. I’ve been on a 21 day sugar detox and on day 18 I began cheating. I have family in town for a long weekend and there is bread, sugar, and all kinds of bad carbs around every corner. And I caved. I had dropped 9 lbs and this morning I weighed and had gained it all back, just by eating bread and sweets over the past 3 days. Ugh. I need to get it in my hard head that this isn’t just a diet, it’s a change in eating for LIFE. Thanks for your words today. I hope we can stay connected and encourage each other!

Debby

I’m here for you all the way! It’s so hard. I struggled so much in the beginning. Reach out when you are tempted and let’s see if I can help you make a different choice.
My friends just tease me now! I show up everywhere with vegetables. They are supportive though after they tease me. I tell them my life depended on this change! So does yours and so many others.
Good luck Debby!

Highlighting a Success Story – Balee Drakulich

CourtneyOSeptember 10, 2014Comments OffBlog

I recently attended a mandatory parent meeting for high school athletics and then went to the breakout session for cheerleading (the sport one of my daughters participates in). I have been around the sports world for a very long time and was immediately impressed with the head coach as she brought up the importance of behaving on social media to her athletes. This is the first time I have ever heard a coach address the topic and outline consequences for the athletes if they were inappropriate on social media. When the head coach finished her part of the program, we were all introduced to one of the co-captains of the cheer squad. After listening to her talk to a large group of cheerleaders, I decided to write a column about her success as a teenager and share some of her important words of wisdom to these teenage girls.

Balee Drakulich, a junior in high school who is still just 16 years old, is the co-captain of the cheerleading squad and an honor student as well. She made the Varsity squad as a sophomore while also participating on a competitive cheer team which is a tremendous time commitment for any teenager. She has already completed many honors and Advanced Placement courses. She plans to attend college and is hoping to cheer at the university level as well. She maintains a 3.8 GPA in school while also earning her Community Service Letter (which requires 75 hours per year of volunteer work with at least two separate non-profit agencies). Between cheer, volunteer work and school, Balee is a very busy and determined young woman.

Last week, I had the opportunity to see Balee interviewed on live television before cheering in her first home football game and was so impressed with her poise under pressure. She attributes that ability to being an only child and her parents making sure that she was always part of adult conversations. She spent time in her younger years learning to act and model which both contributed to her amazing interpersonal skills that I have now seen on several occasions. Her parents, Bryan and Kimberly, have been married 18 years and have set solid boundaries for their daughter, which are clearly working. Balee was not allowed to get a smart phone until she started high school and her parents kept her off of social media until recently which has taught her the importance of communicating face to face if a problem arises. I so often see parents pushing for phones at young ages and allowing kids to have Facebook and Instagram accounts long before they understand the dangers of the internet. It is so refreshing to know I’m not the only parent pushing for these important boundaries.

The members of Balee’s cheer squad were very receptive to hear her encourage them to be responsible teammates. She pointed out to them that she would ensure they chose the right leader with her actions every day. She promised to set a good example, work hard and step up her game so that they would do the same. Balee also spoke about social media and provided some great life lessons to these teenage girls about watching what they post and understanding that it would reflect on them both in the present and in the future. She suggested that they not only consider the pictures they are taking but even looking in the background of the photo and making sure that others in the picture weren’t misbehaving or acting in a way that wasn’t in line with their own value system. She encouraged them to stay off of Twitter which is a site where many teenagers battle out their differences these days, and instead encouraged face to face resolution of problems. I feel very lucky to have met Balee Drakulich and want to meet more teenagers that stand out and give us hope that our country has a solid future coming. Unfortunately, most of the teenagers I see are posting inappropriate pictures and will hardly give eye contact to anyone because they don’t even know how to do it. If you know a teenager who is working hard like Balee to make a difference in the world, send me an e-mail at [email protected] and I will highlight him or her in a future column. We need our children to read real life examples of their peers succeeding and making good choices in their complicated world, so that they will be motivated to do the same. We can get these kids on track one teenager at a time.

Adjusting to the Pain of Children Leaving the Nest

CourtneyOAugust 27, 2014Comments OffBlog

My first child was born when I was only 23 years old. I felt ready at the time and my knowledge of parenting was that babies were sweet and cuddly and just adorable. I even thought that pregnancy was a magical time in life with the baby kicking and everyone just getting excited about the upcoming birth. There would be cute baby clothes at showers thrown by family and friends, and the excitement of finding out if we were expecting a son or a daughter. All of these things held true to a point, but nobody really ever talked about the hard parts of pregnancy. The appearance of swollen feet and water retaining fingers was a surprise that ultimately resulted in my wedding band being cut from my finger. The appearance of bloody noses out of nowhere and the total discomfort as I got bigger were also a shock as I slowly lost the capacity to take any good deep breaths. I actually broke a toe on my right foot hitting a table during the first signs of labor that proved to be rather uncomfortable for the long days in the hospital that were about to follow.

I still remember writing the sweetest birthing plan that would consist of all of my favorite music and a peaceful setting where special breathing and synchronized pushing would result in a beautiful birth. My son was indeed born. I just didn’t expect the emergency C-section and the stitches that followed and the long scary nights where I even wondered if I could take care of him in some of my desperate moments. As other friends of mine started getting married and having children, I tried my best to prepare them for some of the realities as they, too were only living the fairy tale that they had seen in movies. None of their friends or family members wanted to tell them some of the harsh truths. People would ask me what it was like to be pregnant and a mother and I would always ask them if they wanted the fairy tale answer or the truth. I never quite understood why women kept these harder moments from each other as we could all be such a resource for the difficult times. Complaining about the difficulties of parenting does not make you a bad mother it makes you a very honest and concerned one.

I felt equally unprepared for the departure of my son for college last week. I have been struggling all year as the moments of his senior year passed by. There were senior sunrises, yearbook dedications, homecoming dances, senior pictures, prom, senior sunrise, awards nights, and finally graduation. All of these things were meant to slowly prepare me for the reality that he was going to move out. That room was going to be empty and clean for the first time in 18 years. There would no longer be an unmade bed that made me growl a little some mornings, or shoes scattered all over the floor. There would no longer be more hidden dirty clothes that would mess up my perfect laundry completion plan. There would just be a room with a few old baseball bats left over and a drawer full of some special mementos that he knew he wouldn’t have room for at his new apartment. I became the expert at choking back tears all year long and have gotten so good at it that a simple sip of water wards off the big streams that are on their way.

I never had a friend or a family member prepare me for this feeling of loss and closure on this part of his life. It hurts and he has only been gone one week. The reward a parent receives for raising an independent adult is a broken heart and a proud soul. There is nothing more pleasing than seeing your son decide to further his education and make the choice to go live as an adult responsible for his own laundry, cooking, social decisions and curfew. As a mom, trying to go to bed at night not knowing where your son is for the time in 18 years results in an emptiness that can hardly be described in words. It is something that every parent must face and I just want you to know that the pain is real and you should feel comfortable telling your friends that your miss your child whether they live 30 minutes away or 10 hours away. It is tough to close the door on years of mentoring another human being that you love deeply, simply so that they will actually leave your home and start their own life. Take time to prepare yourself for it and allow yourself to grieve the change that has occurred. It’s okay to cry and you don’t have to be tough about one bit of it. There is no medal for the mom that looks the happiest when her child leaves for college.

To my own mom, I bet I didn’t call you enough when I should have when I moved out and I know I didn’t think about what you must have been feeling. For that I am sorry all of these years later. And Mom, if you get the chance, tell your grandson to check in with me when he can because every call brings a moment of hope that is needed during these hard weeks and months as I adjust to a home without his laughter and amazing presence.

Flunking the Rules of Civility

CourtneyOAugust 20, 2014Comments OffBlog

When I first started doing my radio show about two years ago, I had a panel of guests of various ages who discussed the Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior that George Washington had copied for a school assignment at the age of 16. The 110 rules were originally written by French Jesuits in 1595 and at their core really describe a life focused on other people rather than self-interests. How far we have come in 419 years, and it’s not a road well-traveled.

In the last 20 years, the emphasis in the schools, and now at home, has been on self-esteem and self-worth, and the value of learning to focus on others has slipped away. Teachers and parents alike are tip-toeing around kids and their unruly behaviors so that they don’t feel shamed by manners and discipline. Is it working? If we look around we see spoiled disrespectful brats in most restaurants, schools and on athletic teams. These kids wouldn’t lift a finger to help their parents without arguing about it first or proclaiming how unfair it is to have to help support the daily grind of operating a house. Parents are exhausted and overwhelmed by these children and know they have created monsters but don’t know what to do. If that is your household, then I would suggest establishing the rules of civility in your home.

The next time you all sit down to dinner (which needs to be quite often if you want to raise well adjusted adults), I encourage you to start reading from the following list and get your children to explain what these rules mean and how they intend to start implementing them in your home. These conversations can be useful for kids ages five on up and you will be surprised how much your kids want the structure that might be lacking in your home.

Here are some of my favorites from the Rules of Civility that can change your household and get your otherwise lazy and entitled children on the right path:

Rule 6 Speak not when others Speak, Sit not when others Stand, speak not when you should hold Peace, walk not on when others stop.

Ask your children what this means to them. This is a rule about showing respect and using manners. There is no shame in either of those characteristics. Have each of your children tell you one way they can practice this rule starting today that will make a difference in your home. Suggest to them that this rule means that all electronics are to be turned off when the family is eating together (and that includes yours as well!).

Rule 40 Strive not with your Superiors in Argument, but always Submit your Judgment to Others with Modesty.

Imagine a home where the teenagers actually consider that they don’t know it all and that they should be respectful when expressing their opinions. The tricky part about these rules is that we have to lead by example here so the adults have to follow them as well! Ask your children how they can get along better with everybody in the household by having them name one thing they can do differently each day.

Rule 52 In your Apparel be Modest and endeavor to accommodate Nature, rather than to procure Admiration. Keep to the Fashions of your equals Such as are Civil and orderly with respect to Times and Places.

Don’t we all long for a world where people dress appropriately and children are excited to look and act mature? I used to love getting dressed up to travel on an airplane when I was a child and miss that experience now. Ask your children to go an entire week without arguing with you about what they are wearing to school or out for an evening and show you that they understand modesty.

Rule 56 Associate yourself with Men of good Quality if you Esteem your own Reputation; for tis better to be alone than in bad Company.

Encourage your children to list three qualities that they believe are important to have a successful life and ask them to name three friends that have the same qualities. Encourage them to develop these relationships with people that will encourage them to make good decisions.

These are just a handful of the 110 rules and as I read them all, it is frightening to think about how badly our society has strayed away from them. We can’t be afraid to go back to them and start encouraging respect, manners, courtesy and modesty in order to get our children on the right path. Today we are flunking the rules of civility but we don’t have to be. Start with one rule at a time and get your children involved in the discussion. Write down what is important to you as a person and as a family and set a goal of implementing one new rule each week. A family without respect will fail and a society without civility will crumble…. It is only just a matter of time.

I’d Rather Not Be Right

CourtneyOJuly 30, 2014Comments OffBlog

We were talking about the way that different people deal with conflict and she said “you have to choose to either be right or to be intimate.” The statement resonated with me as I looked at different aspects of my life.

I wasn’t raised in a world of right and wrong like so many people were. I hear people all of the time say things like “you are right, I was wrong,” and I never really understand it. We all bring different perspectives to the table and nobody is ever truly right or truly wrong. One of the hardest questions I have ever been asked in my life by a very intelligent friend was “what was your 50 percent responsibility to your divorce?” It’s not that I didn’t feel responsible for my divorce, but at the time I was angry and sad and it was easier to point fingers than look inside myself for that answer. Once I answered it in my own heart and mind, it allowed me to have a closer relationship than I would have otherwise with my ex-husband. I chose to be intimate instead of right.

I watch all of the political fighting going on in our world today and the same thing comes to mind. What if the two sides stopped focusing on being right, and instead focused on getting along and building their relationships? Not only would the politicians benefit from living this way, but the whole world would be a more functional place. Everyone is focused on which side is “right,” rather than forging intimate relationships for the good of all. The social media sites are full of people screaming at one another about why they are right rather than people seeking common ground to find solutions. It is happening right now in the Gaza Strip and clearly it is time to admit that nobody is going to agree on who is right but perhaps they should figure out how to stop the killing of innocent people.

I sat my kids down last week and asked them what this meant to them. Would they rather be right or have close relationships with one another? It stopped them all in their tracks. The last few days when a small argument has ensued, I have asked them if they want to be right or close rather than try to intervene and determine who is at fault. My daughters, all on their own, found a solution to sharing some shirts they both like to wear but had been arguing over for several months. My younger daughter, who would admit her stubbornness and feistiness, is now keeping all of the shirts in her sister’s room since she knows she can borrow them at any time. They chose to be close, rather than focus on who was right and who was wrong. No more fighting and everyone felt good, not right.

This little sentence is changing my entire perspective. I would always rather be close than be right. People that are right just end up right. They end up alone and isolated. I don’t know if they even feel good being “right” once they have established in their own minds that they are indeed “right.” The people that they have made feel “wrong” have a lost a pound of their flesh and a part of their soul because they realize they can’t be close to the “right” person.

I’d rather not be right. I choose intimate relationships where people can make mistakes and learn and grow and compromise. Try asking your kids if they would rather be right or close the next time a fight ensues. It might just change your life, and theirs as well.

Graduation Highlights the Importance of Blending Families

CourtneyOJune 25, 2014Comments OffBlog

With each passing year of my life, I feel for parents more and more. I had no idea the emotions that I would experience as a parent watching my children travel through each phase of their life and how happy and sad I could be at the same moment when they hit certain milestones. In the last three days, I watched my son graduate from high school and hosted a big graduation party to celebrate him. The next day was Father’s Day where we celebrated my husband, ex-husband, and my step-dad for all of their contributions to the lives of all of the kids and adults that live in our home. Early Monday morning, it was off to the DMV so that my daughter could get her learner’s permit. It was a whirlwind weekend full of emotions, milestones, change and tears. I even found myself choked up in the DMV, which was a first.

The highlight of the weekend was watching all of the members of my family work together to celebrate my son. His step-dad (my husband) spent countless hours preparing the yard for the party and getting everything ready and cleaned up. His dad (my ex-husband) and I worked together for weeks to prepare a slide show of his life that included pictures from our marriage together, and then pictures from our second marriages and the blended families that resulted. All of us went to dinner together after graduation – step brothers and sisters, step- parents, parents, grand step-parents, brothers, sisters. To my son, this is just his family. It is not a sad and awkward tale of divorce, but instead a real and true picture of life and the adult decisions that impact children but shouldn’t destroy them. This is all he has ever known since the day he was born. My own parents were divorced when I was 11 and his first memories include step-grandparents and grandparents, but to him it was all just more Grandpas and Grandmas to love.

Sadly, many families don’t operate like this and children are forced into confronting and handling adult decisions that really have nothing to do with them. Most of us have seen all sides of nasty divorces in our lives, and it is hard to understand why adults choose for kids to live and feel tension and anger. Children have nothing to do with why adults divorce. Some children are relieved when their parents get divorced after years of fighting or obvious unhappiness. Others are surprised but want nothing more than their lives to go on peacefully while the adults handle the adults’ problems. Divorce is a sad and difficult part of life that still occurs in almost 50% of households across our country. I have been asked so many times why I got divorced from my first husband and the question always give me a little laugh since it really doesn’t have an easy answer. If I tried to answer it in one sentence, I don’t believe I would be holding both of us accountable to what happened. The best guess I can give for why I got divorced and why I think most people get divorced is that we were born and subsequently our lives started happening. There are so many factors that play into divorce – personality, families, careers, handling of finances, communication, economics, friends, and differences that come up when children are born. There are lots of ways that marriages end, but most of share common ground in why we got divorced.

When my ex-husband and I decided to get divorced, it was a very hard and sad decision, but we sat down together and worked out a solution that would that would split up the assets and make sure that our kids would have what they needed no matter where they were sleeping. We didn’t need an attorney to explain that to us so we didn’t use one. We split everything in half because that is the law and we developed a schedule for our kids in case we ever needed a document to tell us what was in their best interest (which we don’t). We work together to discuss holidays and birthdays and vacations until we know we have found what works for everyone involved (and that includes his step-kids and my step-kids). We do this because we love our children and decided years ago it would be ridiculous to spend any more time discussing or fighting about why we got divorced. We knew it was irrelevant to our kids and I believe that is the case for almost every divorce out there.

We aren’t amazing people for doing this. We are just parents who decided to focus on our children and nothing else. We both believe that the other is a good and capable parent which means that any other part of our life doesn’t need to be discussed. When we start to get off track from time to time, we give each other space and we always come back together with what is best for our children. Adults need to acknowledge that adult problems require adult communication to arrive at adult decisions. That is all it takes to have an amicable divorce. You can strongly dislike your ex-spouse but love your children enough to end up sitting together at a dinner someday celebrating a big milestone like a graduation. You can show your children that mature adults can guide them through life no matter how much blending goes on in their family. The key is to blend everyone, love equally, and make sure the kids are allowed to be kids while the adults are acting like adults.

A Few Thoughts to the Graduating Class of 2014

CourtneyOJune 12, 2014Comments OffBlog

Congratulations to all of you as you finish your high school career and prepare for the next step in your life. Hopefully, you are stepping. Either stepping out of the door to go work and find a place of your own or going on to some type of higher education so that you can feed yourself and your family someday. The generation before you has relied heavily on their parents to take care of them and many of them still live at home at 25 or 30 years old. No matter how you were raised, you need to snicker and tell yourself you aren’t going to expect your Mom and Dad to fund your every meal anymore.

This has been a tricky time to grow up. Since you were about 10 years old, a little company called Apple began producing phones that put the internet in your hands and completely changed the way you communicate with your friends and even your parents. You need to know that if you really want to succeed in life, you are going to have to learn to communicate looking people in the eye. You can’t text an employer your answers in the middle of an interview and you can’t dance with your partner over the phone. I suggest you take every class you can and even read books on communication to help you overcome what this technology has done to you.

The whole time you have been on this planet, you have been handed trophies and ribbons for every sport you participated in. We have not helped you at all by doing this. You will not get awards ever again without earning them the hard way and this may seem unfair to you when you look at your dresser that is right now covered in bobble head trophies. Those trophies were handed to you just because your parents signed you up. The rest of your life you will have to achieve certain goals and criteria to be awarded. Like it or not, that’s the way it is and you would do your own future children lots of good if you work to eliminate this trophy practice.

You have seen things on the internet that were way too mature for your eyes and try not to let this scar your future relationships. Whether you are male or female, you have to treat people with respect in order to get that third or second date. Don’t be afraid to hold a door open for a woman, young men. If she gets offended, she just might not be the right one for you. Chivalry is an important part of finding the right partner and don’t let our current society talk you out of it. Your table manners really matter. Practice them right now if you haven’t before and learn how to set a table and when to use a salad fork. There will always be something very attractive about well-mannered people.

You have been unfairly judged by test scores more than any generation before you. Your success will be directly correlated to how hard you work and well you treat the people you work with. Yes, you will need to read or write but don’t think that your Map Testing scores from 6th grade are going to ever play a role in your future. They aren’t. You will now be placed according to your common sense, work ethic, and overall personality instead of some number on paper. The faster you figure this out the more likely you are to succeed.

Even though adults have told you how amazing you are your entire life, the faster you accept that you are just like everyone else the better things will go for you. You can prevent tremendous amounts of future anxiety and social blunders if you treat everyone equally and also don’t expect the world to bow down to your amazing self. You are just a person with strengths and weaknesses like everyone else. Nobody owes you anything and you do not deserve a certain lifestyle or car or house. You will have to work hard for those things no matter how amazing you think you are.

If your over-bearing parents try to step in and tell your future employers or college professors how to treat you, do everyone a favor and say no the first time it comes up. Your parents may have unfortunately been such good friends with you for so long that they can’t stand to see you suffer. It’s ok if you suffer a little bit and it’s ok to tell your parents that you are an adult and you don’t need their intervention. The faster you become independent from them the better you will feel about yourself. But you should still call them and say hello and I love you from time to time. They worked hard to get you this far.

And finally, to those really smart graduates who didn’t enjoy high school because they weren’t in the “cool” crowd, I have excellent news for you. Those people that thought they were better than you and even made you feel small are about to start the journey to their 10 year high school reunion. When they arrive, they are going to look a little weathered and you are going to look sharp. You “nerds” as they called you, will be the future doctors, lawyers, scientists, and accountants that will make this world go around. The “proud” crowd will be working for you and high school was the time they peaked in life. You don’t want to peak at 18. Shoot for 40 or even 50! Your hard work and studying will pay off in a way that will have made all those awkward years of high school well worth it. Plus, you are the ones that gave the graduation speeches and ran off with all of the scholarship money.

Good luck to all of you. You have a little bit to overcome from the things that existed when you were born, but it can be done. I’m counting on you as there are too many baby boomers to take care of and we need your help. I’ve given up on most of the 25-30 year olds so I’m holding out hope for you.

Let’s Not Pick Sides

CourtneyOMay 21, 2014Comments OffBlog

I feel like I am part of a massive conspiracy on the part of our government to keep all of us fighting amongst ourselves so that we can’t see what is really happening. Democrats believe that their way is best. Republicans believe they have the upper hand. We all argue back and forth on social media, the news, and in blog posts, and I don’t understand what the fight is about or what we think we are going to accomplish.

None of this makes sense to me and watching the politicians makes me realize that the only way they can continue to get away with their total lack of leadership is to cause the people to fight amongst themselves. Every single day on the news or on Facebook I see posts bashing liberals and conservatives and graphs and charts that prove that one side is better than the other. The side that you are on is of course the side that is right. What if we took the argument deeper? Republicans and Democrats aren’t that far apart if you sit down and start having conversations. People are complex and see the world differently but I think we all could try to agree on some basic ideas to help end the useless fighting:

1) Living in the United States should allow you to be free. As long as you aren’t breaking the law, you should be allowed to live your life the way you see fit. That means you can live where you want, drive what you want, work where you want, date who you want, and yep, here it comes, marry whomever you want (and don’t be crazy people I’m just talking about humans marrying humans). We should all be able to agree that law abiding citizens should be rewarded with freedom of choice.

2) You should be able to choose what works best for you and your family in terms of spirituality or religion. The point is to be a good person and treat everyone you meet with kindness. None of us require a book to tell us that but some of us might want it and should feel free to attend church. We should also agree that if you don’t go to church it doesn’t make you a bad person nor does it take away your ability to be ethical.

3) Fiscal responsibility is important for every single person in this country and every single business (that counts the government). The more people that learn to only spend what they have, the better for others. This means that we all have to work unless we are plainly just too sick to work. This means we all have to pay taxes. This means we all have to be responsible for our lives and any children we bring into the world. If we don’t want the big corporations to make so much money then we all have to stop buying their products (yep, there goes your Grande Java Chip Frappuccino).

4) Everyone should have a right to see a doctor when they are sick. We need to work together to make these costs affordable and provide insurance to the people that want it. This is going to require us to stop fighting and start educating people how to use the health care system most efficiently. Whether you agree with it or not, we have a law that needs some revisions or it is going to fail and then we have even bigger problems. We have to work together to get those revisions in place. Start with the things we all agree on and compromise through the rest.

5) There are always going to be people that are down on their luck or need a helping hand. We should provide that helping hand along with education and tools to help them back up so that they can feel good as a contributing member of society. We can’t make this help endless to able bodied people.

6) Having a child is a personal decision. It is not the government’s decision. There are excellent ways to prevent pregnancy and they should be used if you don’t want a child. If you screw this one up (which you shouldn’t), you have to decide what to do next. You have three options. All of them take careful consideration and none of them are easy. If you don’t want to take the risk of getting pregnant, I think you know what not to do.

7) If you have that child, make sure to remember discipline. They need rules, boundaries, structure, and respect for authority. Don’t be afraid to make sure they behave. This doesn’t require beating them but it does require your time. So put down your phone or your wine glass and take care of your children. Please don’t expect teachers or coaches to raise your children. That’s not their job. You children need to be home. With you. Lots.

If we all could agree on some basic principles, it seems like it would be easy to elect leaders that will be ethical and responsible. We need to understand that many of our current leaders are bought and paid for no matter what party they say they are representing. The whole system is broken and until we stand up as Americans and stop fighting each other and demand change, we are stuck with a country that is slowly but surely losing everything it once stood for. We need men and women who understand budgeting and how taxes work. We need accountants and scientists and teachers and stay at home Mom’s to go and run the country. We don’t need any more lawyers or lobbyists in Washington. We need to stop picking sides because the answer is right in the middle staring at all of us. Do your homework, research the candidates, and maybe this time vote for a name you don’t recognize. If we just keep picking the same leaders and get the same lousy results, haven’t we proven that we support insanity?

Disappearance of Discipline is Tearing Down the Country

CourtneyOApril 9, 2014Comments OffBlog

I’m starting to believe that the disappearance of discipline is a well thought out strategy by somebody who wants this great nation to collapse. It has been well documented that the emphasis on self esteem that is prevalent in our schools is resulting in college-aged adults who are anxious, depressed, and can’t function without the interference of Mommy and Daddy. College professors are being hounded by parents for grades they are handing out. My own Mom would not have been able to tell you who my college professors were or what my assignments might have been. She expected me to manage my affairs and that was an expectation set when I was very young. She had us make our own school lunches and participate in running the household so that we could somebody run our own households without her financial or physical support. We are all fully capable of doing that and don’t rely on her, or the government or anyone to eat or turn on our lights.

Convincing children that they are amazing and special and at the same time waiting on them hand and foot seems like a funny movie to watch but unfortunately it is being played out in households across this country. Children can demand things from their parents without even a simple please or thank you and we are allowing this because we don’t want to shame them or hurt their self esteem. Where do we think these spoiled, lazy, disrespectful children are going to end up? Do we really believe that they are going to be successful contributors to this nation? Do we think that we can just press a button on them when they turn 18 that will somehow make them hard working respectful adults?

Disciplined and well-mannered children are a must if we want to continue to compete in a competitive world. We have to start fighting back against the things we know will hurt these future adults. We all accept the notion of trophies for everyone at the end of season pizza party, but do we really believe it? Do we really want to reward showing up over accomplishment? What will be the motivation to work hard at a new job if everyone is going to receive the same salary and the same bonus? Even children are starting to scoff at these participation trophies realizing that there is a difference between “showing up” and showing up with the intention to work hard, improve, and even win.

When I read other blogs or Facebook posts about the reasons not to teach manners or have kids do chores, the word discipline is always shunned because it is associated with spanking or hitting. These writers believe that discipline means violence. It doesn’t. Discipline means nothing more than to teach. This teaching should involve structures and boundaries so that children can grow into meaningful adults. I don’t hit any of the six kids that live in our house although I can tell you that they respect authority and leadership because they have been taught to do that. They know that if they are asked to do something that they need to do it or there will be consequences. Just like life. Just like a job. Just like relationships. Our behavior will always have consequences.

We have to fight back against the somebody or the something out there that is trying to make everyone the same by removing discipline from life. We know it doesn’t make sense so we can start today by asking more of our children than we did yesterday. We can ask them to be responsible for their own school work, their lunches, and their laundry and set reasonable peaceful consequences if they don’t step up. It is one small way to show them a successful future that can be achieved through hard work and discipline. We are already far behind with many of these children so we can’t delay another day.