Tag: love

Julie & Katie

CourtneyOJanuary 26, 2018Comments OffConversations

Hi Katie!!

Read your column from Sunday with great interest because I’ve been seriously thinking that I need to finally win my battle with sugar!!! I’m turning 53 soon and feel much older at times especially in the morning trying to get out of bed :/.

I’m probably not the first to write you for support but would love any advice and support you can offer?!?!?! Fortunately I can say I don’t eat a great deal of sugar but enough that I know giving it up and bread (that’ll be more difficult for me) would produce great benefits.

Thanks so much

Julie. 🙂

Julie,

Bread is definitely a hard one but since it is loaded with sugar, the best thing I did was identify it as “poison”. I know that sounds extreme but the way I was feeling each day felt like someone was slowly poisoning my body. I knew I would never actually eat poison so I looked at the foods I would miss the most as poison and that made me not want them. I haven’t had bread all year and I really doubt I will again. I feel so much better physically and have energy like I did 20 years ago. If you can set a goal for one month and get through that hard part, I know you can make it. The withdrawals and irritability get replaced by energy and feeling strong. You have to totally cut it to get there though. Maybe shoot me an e-mail every time you get tempted and I will see if I can help?

I have had lots of people e-mail me for support. More than I was expecting actually. There are lots of people like you that want to do this so take comfort in knowing you aren’t alone!

A mother’s love can last for generations

CourtneyOMay 7, 2016Comments OffBlog

This past November, my oldest sister was diagnosed with breast cancer. As cancer treatment does to people, it has consumed her daily life and each day has involved preparing for surgery, or chemo, or shots, or tests, or waiting on results. She has been amazing and is reaching her last part of her journey and then the day when she feels normal once again.

Walking beside her this entire way has been my mom. She has been there for every appointment and chemotherapy session, and held her hand as she came out of every procedure and ultimately surgery to remove the tumor. She has brought her meals and been a loving nurse to her as she suffered the effects of chemo on her entire body. She has cared for her at my sister’s house at her own house. She was there standing next to her when she rang the bell indicating the end of chemo treatments. She has provided a comfort and peace that comes from a caring mother and I am lucky that she is my mom as well.

I’ve learned everything I need to know from my mom. There are times to be strong but there are also times when you are going to fall. When you fall, it is perfectly acceptable to cry and hurt and be angry as you slowly make your way to your feet again. You do have to make your way to your feet again; sometimes you will take strength from those who need you to stand firmly once again. Life will make you laugh and smile, but it will also hurt you and take away things you hold so dear. Some days you will have confidence in every decision you make. Other days you will look yourself in the mirror and question every detail of your existence.

A loving mom will help you realize that all of these things are normal and will be there to support you through every crazy phase of your life. She will even be there if you get sick like my sister did, and hold you through it just like she held you through every ear infection, new tooth, first love, and first heartbreak. Most importantly, she will teach you how to be a mom yourself one day just like her own Mom taught her.

In my own life, I just celebrated my son’s 20th birthday. It’s hard not to think back to when he was born and all of the hopes and dreams I had for him. Would I have what it takes to be a strong mother who could raise a respectful and caring man? Would I be able to show him my strengths and weaknesses so he could learn to be human and accept that none of us are perfect?

I recently was invited by my son to speak to his fraternity about ethics in business and I received a text from him after. He wrote “Thanks again for coming tonight and for everything you do. I would obviously not be anywhere near the position I’m in today if I didn’t have your love and support. A lot of my fraternity brothers came up to me and told me how amazing you are. I felt like the luckiest son alive. Love you Mom.” I credit my mom for that text. It is everything she taught me that leads me to receiving a message like that from my own son.

I have six other kids that I love and adore as well. Three of them are my biological children and three of them are stepchildren. When you learn to love and give everything you have, you don’t care how a child has come into your life. It doesn’t matter if you gave birth to them, adopted them, or became a part of their life through marriage. You love them all with passion and grace and hope that someday they will do the same for their own children.

My youngest son, who is now 10 months old, is crawling everywhere and beginning to want to take his first assisted steps. He cautiously finds my hand or leg with each step and always looks back with a little bit of fear and a little bit of satisfaction. He knows I won’t let go right now but he should also know that someday I will have to let go in small ways and then in really big ways. He will learn that I will let him grow his wings and not stop him when he is ready to take off and fly.

This is the hard and heartbreaking work of a mom. It takes one generation after another of loving mothers to build a large family full of love, trust, loyalty, reliability, and laughter. Mother’s Day is a special day to recognize all of these women that have brought children into the world, adopted children, or helped raise children that aren’t their own. Some of you have already lost your own moms and know the pain of losing your mentor and best friend. I think that pain can only be comforted by looking at your own children and grandchildren and knowing that your mom played a role in their successes.

I wish you all a Happy Mother’s Day today. Regardless of how you became a mom, the world is a better place because of you and the support you provide all of the children that call you Mom. If you are like me, your Mother’s Day will probably involve watching children or grandchildren play some type of sport and then hopefully you can get together as a family and celebrate the greatness of all of the moms that make up your incredible family.

Katie Coombs is the host of the radio show “Uncommon Sense with Katie Coombs.” You can reach her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/UncommonSenseKC/.

My Sister Has Cancer

CourtneyOFebruary 9, 2016Comments OffBlog

I have known people who have successfully fought the battle against breast cancer. I have lost a very dear friend who left behind 3 boys. I have even had guests on my radio show fighting the disease and was so impressed with their strength and resilience.

You always remember where you are when you get the phone calls that alter your life. When my father called to tell me had had terminal cancer, I was driving down the Mount Rose Highway to get to an appointment with a client. It was surreal walking into the Starbucks and meeting with the client. Life just suddenly had to move on right then no matter what call I had just received. I felt that way as he died when I looked out the window and a golfer was looking in for a brief second as he retrieved his bad shot that almost hit my dad’s window. He just picked up his ball and walked off to go hit his next bad shot. We made brief eye contact and I am sure he knew he was looking at a man who had just died.

When my sister called to tell me that she found a lump in her breast and was getting an ultrasound I just knew. I knew it was going to be cancer. My sister Kristy is not an alarmist and she wouldn’t call with that type of news unless she was very concerned. I never once believed it was anything but cancer as much as I wanted it to just be a cyst. She was diagnosed with cancer in December 2015 and had surgery the Monday before Christmas. We were so hopeful that she would only need radiation but the tests revealed that chemotherapy was also going to be on her menu of cancer treatments.

That scared her the most I believe. The diagnosis shocked us all. The surgery was somewhat of a relief to get the cancer out of there but the need for chemo just scared everyone. She will no longer be able to finish her school year as a first grade teacher. She will lose her hair. She will have side effects that make it hard to be a single mom as if that wasn’t hard enough. Ironically, I was scheduled for my own mammogram during her surgery and checking the box that we had a family history of breast cancer was upsetting and all too real.

They say the whole family gets cancer when someone is diagnosed and now I think I know what they mean. We all just feel sick and sitting in an oncologist’s office is depressing as you look around at all of the people fighting this cruel disease. My sister wasn’t supposed to be here. She is too well – she is just too everything. She is too nice, too loyal, too sweet, too innocent. Her kids need her healthy. Her students need her healthy. I need her healthy. I’m sure everyone feels this way when they have a family member get diagnosed.

I have watched her go through an emotional roller coaster and it breaks my heart. She has been brave and then terrified. She has cried, yelled, laughed, and just stared off into the distance at times. We feel that it was caught early enough that she will be ok in the long run but not before a very difficult journey. She starts chemo tomorrow and I just don’t want that to be the case. I don’t want something that will feel like poison running through her veins but that is the reality and I have to accept it. She won’t be able to return to her job as a 1^st grade teacher until next school year and this breaks her heart and mine too. She is more worried about her students than herself it seems.

We have a big supportive family and we will all be there for her night and day. We have had some pretty interesting conversations including her telling me that cancer is fu&%#ing boring. I agree Kristy. It is! There are better things to do with life than have to fight this disease that nobody deserves. I’m biased to say that you deserved it the least. I would take your place if I could just to make your life feel easier right now. I’m so sorry. I love you and we have you from start to finish. I still am willing to shave my head with you but so far she doesn’t agree with that! We shall see. Nobody should feel alone when they are going through cancer treatments. Especially my big sis.

Marriage is Not for Me

CourtneyONovember 5, 2013Comments OffBlog

There is a great article rolling around the internet with the title “Marriage is not for Me.” At first glance, it appears that the author doesn’t believe in marriage, but when you read the entire story, he is basically saying that marriage is not about you, but about your partner. You are making a commitment to love and honor another person and if they give you the same focus in return, the marriage is going to survive all of life’s challenges.

I haven’t been able to get this out of my mind as I look around our world and worry about all of the things that are going wrong. At the basic foundation of everything that is negative, is the fact that so many people are focused on what will make their own life happy rather than those around them. We find this problem in Washington especially where it all about political party rather than what is in the best interest of the country. The truth, which is a little thing that is supposed to be used for those we care about, has been replaced by the spin. If something gets said that isn’t truthful, we are learning from our leaders that we just need to put a spin on what we said, and all is well again in the world. You can’t spin in a great marriage, or in a great partnership, you can only focus on the truth and your partner if you want an amazing future.

The problem with focusing on our own happiness and rather than the happiness of everyone around us is that in the end, nobody ends up happy without an emphasis on community and family. What if we all started focusing on giving of ourselves without worrying about what we will get in return? What if everyone was doing that together? I envision a happy society where the hungry are fed and the divorce starts dropping rapidly because caring about one another leads to intimate relationships that won’t end.

A successful business thrives in exactly the same way. If the owners focus on their employees and their clients instead of how to line their own pocket books, everybody succeeds. A community thrives when business succeeds and so do families when stress starts to decrease and doing for others creates a feeling of unity.

Marriage is not just for you. It is for your spouse. Your children. Your entire family. Every divorce I have ever seen, including my own, can be tied to one person focusing too much on their own needs, rather than the needs of their partner. It is a simple thing to change if one commits to others.

We have to get away from so much emphasis on self-esteem and self-worth as it is destroying our country. I hear parents complaining all of the time about how “slower” students are slowing down their own child’s experience in a classroom. Shouldn’t we encourage our children to help the slower students? Which in turn provides an education in the most important part of their own life – developing close relationships?

In our house, where eight people have to share resources and compromise all of the time, I am often reminded of the quote “the great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.” I do enjoy that quote, but I honestly feel that if everyone is learning to focus on what is in the best interest of their entire family, nothing unfair can occur. People can only learn empathy and patience when they are doing for others.

As we watch our divorce rate remain close to 50% and our government crack apart slowly but surely, I know the only solution is to stop being so concerned about our own happiness, and reach out and help others every day. Of course, you have to be cautious of the people that will only take from you and never give until they learn the basics of giving to others as well. But maybe your love and compassion will show them what life is really supposed to be about.

Marriage is not for me. It is for my husband and for my family.

Another Nail in the Coffin

CourtneyOJuly 29, 2013Comments OffBlog

My step-son received a model car for his birthday and this weekend he decided to build it and paint it. He was so excited to work with his Dad on this special project. We made a list of the things we needed for the model (glue, paint, etc) and I set off to Walmart to pick everything up.

I had to pass by the large selection of X-Box, Play Station, and Wii games to get to the toy section so that I could locate the models and the glue. Not finding anything there, I proceeded to the craft section thinking that model glue would be there. No luck.

I tracked down an employee who had no idea and found a lady who seemed to be responsible for the toy section. With sadness in her voice, she reported to me that Walmart didn’t carry model glue. My first thought was that they stopped carrying the glue because people were probably sniffing it or something dangerous like that. I jokingly asked her if that was the reason and her answer was that Walmart actually didn’t need to carry glue because they don’t carry models. I sat there with my jaw dropped realizing that one of the biggest retailers in America has stopped carrying model cars, airplanes, etc. She assured me that a few locations still did but that they are not an item that was moving off of the shelves.

A child building a model with his siblings or parents is such an important tradition for all involved. It is quality time where a child is using his hand/eye coordination and creative skills to build something he can keep forever. The memories of building it with Mom or Dad stay forever.

I’m sad I had to pass by all of the video games in Walmart to locate the empty shelf where models once were. There are no memories built from sticking your kids in front of violent video games. It’s just an inappropriate babysitter replacing quality family time. I hope for a day when parents will unite and even remember how important things like model building were. If we don’t, it’s just another nail in the coffin for American families and our society as a whole.