Tag: mom

A mother’s love can last for generations

CourtneyOMay 7, 2016Comments OffBlog

This past November, my oldest sister was diagnosed with breast cancer. As cancer treatment does to people, it has consumed her daily life and each day has involved preparing for surgery, or chemo, or shots, or tests, or waiting on results. She has been amazing and is reaching her last part of her journey and then the day when she feels normal once again.

Walking beside her this entire way has been my mom. She has been there for every appointment and chemotherapy session, and held her hand as she came out of every procedure and ultimately surgery to remove the tumor. She has brought her meals and been a loving nurse to her as she suffered the effects of chemo on her entire body. She has cared for her at my sister’s house at her own house. She was there standing next to her when she rang the bell indicating the end of chemo treatments. She has provided a comfort and peace that comes from a caring mother and I am lucky that she is my mom as well.

I’ve learned everything I need to know from my mom. There are times to be strong but there are also times when you are going to fall. When you fall, it is perfectly acceptable to cry and hurt and be angry as you slowly make your way to your feet again. You do have to make your way to your feet again; sometimes you will take strength from those who need you to stand firmly once again. Life will make you laugh and smile, but it will also hurt you and take away things you hold so dear. Some days you will have confidence in every decision you make. Other days you will look yourself in the mirror and question every detail of your existence.

A loving mom will help you realize that all of these things are normal and will be there to support you through every crazy phase of your life. She will even be there if you get sick like my sister did, and hold you through it just like she held you through every ear infection, new tooth, first love, and first heartbreak. Most importantly, she will teach you how to be a mom yourself one day just like her own Mom taught her.

In my own life, I just celebrated my son’s 20th birthday. It’s hard not to think back to when he was born and all of the hopes and dreams I had for him. Would I have what it takes to be a strong mother who could raise a respectful and caring man? Would I be able to show him my strengths and weaknesses so he could learn to be human and accept that none of us are perfect?

I recently was invited by my son to speak to his fraternity about ethics in business and I received a text from him after. He wrote “Thanks again for coming tonight and for everything you do. I would obviously not be anywhere near the position I’m in today if I didn’t have your love and support. A lot of my fraternity brothers came up to me and told me how amazing you are. I felt like the luckiest son alive. Love you Mom.” I credit my mom for that text. It is everything she taught me that leads me to receiving a message like that from my own son.

I have six other kids that I love and adore as well. Three of them are my biological children and three of them are stepchildren. When you learn to love and give everything you have, you don’t care how a child has come into your life. It doesn’t matter if you gave birth to them, adopted them, or became a part of their life through marriage. You love them all with passion and grace and hope that someday they will do the same for their own children.

My youngest son, who is now 10 months old, is crawling everywhere and beginning to want to take his first assisted steps. He cautiously finds my hand or leg with each step and always looks back with a little bit of fear and a little bit of satisfaction. He knows I won’t let go right now but he should also know that someday I will have to let go in small ways and then in really big ways. He will learn that I will let him grow his wings and not stop him when he is ready to take off and fly.

This is the hard and heartbreaking work of a mom. It takes one generation after another of loving mothers to build a large family full of love, trust, loyalty, reliability, and laughter. Mother’s Day is a special day to recognize all of these women that have brought children into the world, adopted children, or helped raise children that aren’t their own. Some of you have already lost your own moms and know the pain of losing your mentor and best friend. I think that pain can only be comforted by looking at your own children and grandchildren and knowing that your mom played a role in their successes.

I wish you all a Happy Mother’s Day today. Regardless of how you became a mom, the world is a better place because of you and the support you provide all of the children that call you Mom. If you are like me, your Mother’s Day will probably involve watching children or grandchildren play some type of sport and then hopefully you can get together as a family and celebrate the greatness of all of the moms that make up your incredible family.

Katie Coombs is the host of the radio show “Uncommon Sense with Katie Coombs.” You can reach her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/UncommonSenseKC/.

Kathy & Katie

CourtneyOOctober 10, 2014Comments OffConversations

Hi Katie,

I really enjoyed your article on the battle with sugar. I can relate to so mayn points in your story and would really like to give up sugar and get healthier.

You mention cutting out carbohydrates,sugar and grains, so I was wondering if you could give me a sample of what you eat over a few days?

Thanks and regards,
Kathy

Kathy,

Good luck with your plan!

A typical day for me would be as follows:

Morning – protein shake or a banana

Lunch- baked chicken and vegetables (steamed or just cut up raw veggies)

Dinner- Steak with vegetables and a salad with dressing (be careful of the dressing – check for carbs and sugar)

I limit the red meat each week so dinner could be chicken or pork or shrimp. There are good recipes in the Paleo cookbooks out there. I eat cheese so I’m not 100% Paleo but close.

I make sure my portions fill me up. If you need to snack, pick vegetables or a fruit. Your body will adjust to this and not crave anything else within a month if you really stick to it. I don’t want any of the junk foods that I used to eat. They don’t taste good to me.

I hope this helps get you started. Reach out anytime.

Julie & Katie

CourtneyOOctober 7, 2014Comments OffConversations

Well Katie….with a few supportive words, your columns, books/articles on No Sugar lifestyle changes, and a bit of soul searching as to why I’m putting junk/poison in my body, I’m on my way to transforming my eating habits/health. I’ve always been very healthy as to how I treat my body especially the last few years, so this is the last, most crucial part. Plus my birthday’s on Monday…what could be a better bday gift?!?!?

I had my first colonoscopy this morn and decided that since it’s all cleaned out and pristine (I know TMI), 🙂 I’ll keep it healthy from now on. I cleaned out cupboards, fridge, and freezer and purged and resupplied with good healthy foods.

I’m keeping a small journal on highs and lows of the journey. Being a teacher and on Fall Break is helpful stress-wise so I can just work through this this week. I started a few days ago in terms of reading and wondering about it all so I’ve done lots already. Yesterday I really started due to the fact that I couldn’t eat anything. They said I could have jello and Gatorade but those are just full of sugar and that’s not part of the plan right??

Anyway thanks for your words of support. Looking forward to reading more columns. Plus since I’ve read you’re a financial adviser, that’s the next area of my life to improve (it’s not bad mind you, but certainly could use some tweaking!!)

Thanks again

Julie 🙂

Julie,

Post a colonoscopy seems like a good place to start! I did something similar.

The first few weeks are the hardest and then I was just pumped up to keep going. I so rarely think about the foods that used to draw me in. I just know they were killing me. Glad you have the week off so you can really take the time to eat clean.

Keep me updated on how it goes. Would enjoy meeting you if you ever need help with your financial plan.

As I’m writing this I just ate a hard boiled egg to hold me over until after my 1:00 appointment! I didn’t use to like them but really enjoy them now.

Take care!

Katharine & Katie

CourtneyOOctober 4, 2014Comments OffConversations

Hi Katie,

I just read your article about your life change. I live in Portland Or. I have many of the same “symptoms” as you said you had and my A1C this month was at 7.4. I am only 34 and pregnant with my first. My fiance and I are both morbidly over weight according to BMI.

I am wondering what you did for your mornings. I love carby sugary stuff in the morning with sugary coffee creamer. I believe starting the day out steong can help. I just don’t know how to add variety and satisfaction.

Also, How did you begin and stick with it with others in the house? I would need to be 100 in charge of all food and cooking if I wanted us both to do it and I dont want to deal with that.

Do you have any literature to recommend.

Thanks for sharing
Katharine, Portland Or. But Reno native.

Katharine,

The mornings also were why I had to make my biggest adjustment. I started by walking or running for 30 minutes before eating and then would do a protein shake. That was filling and kept me full until lunch. If that isn’t enough at first, I would add a banana and some scrambled eggs. You have to make sure you get enough calories to keep that baby fed! Once you get the sugars out, you will be amazed at how great coffee tastes plain. I always used to add cream (lots of it)!

In my house it is impossible to get all of the kids on this diet. You have to commit to this being your own journey and just avoid the foods that you know are poison for you. It took me some time and I slipped a few times but I got there. You will have to resist these temptations everywhere so if you can count on yourself at home then you can succeed anywhere. Keep chopped up veggies ready to eat always!! I use those as a substitute for chips, cookies, or anything I might grab just to be eating something.

All of the Paleo literature is helpful. I read articles on the Internet all of the time. I have a Paleo cookbook but I still eat a little bit of dairy (but not much). Be patient on healing your body. My stomach upset took 9 months to resolve but it is cured from this. That was very exciting after that long wait.

Good luck! Make sure to get permission from your obstetrician before making any a rule decisions.

Please reach out anytime if you need extra motivation!

Flunking the Rules of Civility

CourtneyOAugust 20, 2014Comments OffBlog

When I first started doing my radio show about two years ago, I had a panel of guests of various ages who discussed the Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior that George Washington had copied for a school assignment at the age of 16. The 110 rules were originally written by French Jesuits in 1595 and at their core really describe a life focused on other people rather than self-interests. How far we have come in 419 years, and it’s not a road well-traveled.

In the last 20 years, the emphasis in the schools, and now at home, has been on self-esteem and self-worth, and the value of learning to focus on others has slipped away. Teachers and parents alike are tip-toeing around kids and their unruly behaviors so that they don’t feel shamed by manners and discipline. Is it working? If we look around we see spoiled disrespectful brats in most restaurants, schools and on athletic teams. These kids wouldn’t lift a finger to help their parents without arguing about it first or proclaiming how unfair it is to have to help support the daily grind of operating a house. Parents are exhausted and overwhelmed by these children and know they have created monsters but don’t know what to do. If that is your household, then I would suggest establishing the rules of civility in your home.

The next time you all sit down to dinner (which needs to be quite often if you want to raise well adjusted adults), I encourage you to start reading from the following list and get your children to explain what these rules mean and how they intend to start implementing them in your home. These conversations can be useful for kids ages five on up and you will be surprised how much your kids want the structure that might be lacking in your home.

Here are some of my favorites from the Rules of Civility that can change your household and get your otherwise lazy and entitled children on the right path:

Rule 6 Speak not when others Speak, Sit not when others Stand, speak not when you should hold Peace, walk not on when others stop.

Ask your children what this means to them. This is a rule about showing respect and using manners. There is no shame in either of those characteristics. Have each of your children tell you one way they can practice this rule starting today that will make a difference in your home. Suggest to them that this rule means that all electronics are to be turned off when the family is eating together (and that includes yours as well!).

Rule 40 Strive not with your Superiors in Argument, but always Submit your Judgment to Others with Modesty.

Imagine a home where the teenagers actually consider that they don’t know it all and that they should be respectful when expressing their opinions. The tricky part about these rules is that we have to lead by example here so the adults have to follow them as well! Ask your children how they can get along better with everybody in the household by having them name one thing they can do differently each day.

Rule 52 In your Apparel be Modest and endeavor to accommodate Nature, rather than to procure Admiration. Keep to the Fashions of your equals Such as are Civil and orderly with respect to Times and Places.

Don’t we all long for a world where people dress appropriately and children are excited to look and act mature? I used to love getting dressed up to travel on an airplane when I was a child and miss that experience now. Ask your children to go an entire week without arguing with you about what they are wearing to school or out for an evening and show you that they understand modesty.

Rule 56 Associate yourself with Men of good Quality if you Esteem your own Reputation; for tis better to be alone than in bad Company.

Encourage your children to list three qualities that they believe are important to have a successful life and ask them to name three friends that have the same qualities. Encourage them to develop these relationships with people that will encourage them to make good decisions.

These are just a handful of the 110 rules and as I read them all, it is frightening to think about how badly our society has strayed away from them. We can’t be afraid to go back to them and start encouraging respect, manners, courtesy and modesty in order to get our children on the right path. Today we are flunking the rules of civility but we don’t have to be. Start with one rule at a time and get your children involved in the discussion. Write down what is important to you as a person and as a family and set a goal of implementing one new rule each week. A family without respect will fail and a society without civility will crumble…. It is only just a matter of time.

It’s Long Past Time to Portray Fathers as Leaders

CourtneyOJune 18, 2014Comments OffUncategorized

Every year I dread the annual walk into the Father’s Day card aisle. I’m not the only woman who feels this way either. The aisle is loaded with cards about fathers who lay on the couch all day in a frantic search for the remote or spend hours every day fishing with their buddies. I stand there trapped as I look for a card for my husband, my ex-husband, my step-dad, my father in-law, my brother, and up until my Dad’s death in March, a card for him as well. Most of the cards don’t fit any of them or any Dad I know for that matter. There are always the gushy ones to choose from, but the ones with any humor mostly portray men as lazy and useless in the household.

I think back to my childhood and some of the shows that we watched back in the 1970’s – Little House on the Prairie, The Brady Bunch, Eight is Enough and The Walton’s. The fathers in those shows were portrayed as leaders of the family and they helped guide and shape their children. They treated their wives with respect and even though the male and female roles were more traditional in the 1970’s, couples worked together as co-leaders to run the household and help the children daily.

As time passed, and women continued to further their careers, television made a drastic switch and these older shows got replaced with sitcoms like The Cosby Show, The Simpson’s, Married with Children, and The Family Guy. These are all popular shows that ran for years and men are all portrayed as aloof and incapable of being a leader in the home. The American mindset slowly began shifting and believing that men are unable to handle multiple tasks and women are much more capable of handling work responsibilities and children than men can be. The media has been portraying it for years and Hallmark seems to support the notion as well. As a wife and a mother, I feel like we have to do all that we can to undo this mindset and teach our boys what a true Father is capable of.

Manners. Morals. Respect. Character. Common Sense. Trust. Patience. Class. Integrity. Love. These are just a few of the items that I believe fathers should list on what they are responsible for teaching their kids each day. Of course, women have the same responsibility but television and Hallmark already portray us as the ones capable of such tasks. It is the men that have been portrayed so poorly and they all don’t deserve it.

I know so many men that work all day and come home and handle all of the responsibilities of home just like their wives do. They are running kids all over town and participating in daily conversations with their children to help guide them down the right path. To all of those hard-working men, Happy Father’s Day (the card you get might not portray it as well as it should). To those men who look and act more like Homer Simpson or Peter Griffin, watch those shows again and remember that they are only cartoons. Those children in those shows aren’t turning out well at all and the lack of a leader as a father plays a significant roll. That father doesn’t have to be the biological father because life doesn’t always turn out that way. That leader can be any man that is family, or a friend, who wants to take the time to show children that men can lead at work and at home. Men can teach them how to show feelings and provide nurturing in a time of need. The media and the card aisles aren’t going to help you here at all men. You have to show this leadership one day at a time until society gives you the credit you deserve.

An Open Letter to My Son

CourtneyOApril 23, 2014Comments OffBlog

Last week you decided to attend the University of Nevada, rent an apartment with a few friends and start the process of next step of your life. This is the one where you will be making decisions without me and creating a life for yourself that won’t require my parenting, but rather my guidance. You seem ready to go now with only seven weeks left of high school and I have never experienced both my heart breaking and my complete pride in you at the same time (except when I watched what I knew was going to be your last at bat in your baseball career and you drove in the winning runs).

You were born in 1996. The world seemed easier to me back then. There wasn’t incredible pressure to breastfeed a newborn and nobody thought twice about circumcision or even vaccines. We followed the advice of our highly trained and educated doctors and things worked out just fine. I nursed you as long as I felt comfortable and then you were fed formula. I look at you now so healthy and strong and have no concerns about my decisions back then. Of course, we fed you lots of fruits and vegetables but some McDonalds might have slipped in there a few times, too and you still seem to be thriving.

I loved the freedom I had as a mother because it allowed me to concentrate on what I knew would matter to me the most – your soul. I didn’t worry about mercury or foreskins like new moms do today (even though maybe I should have) and I’m really glad I didn’t have to do that. Those issues seem so minor to me when I look at you now and realize that you are full of honor, respect, loyalty and a love for family that will guide you well into your adulthood. I disciplined you not with spanking or hitting you but with firm and clear rules and boundaries that I knew you would need to get through life. That discipline started from the moment you were born and continues to this day. When you were young, they started handing out trophies to everyone, but I loved that you never wanted those trophies. In fact, the only ones you have ever kept were the ones you earned because you knew that just merely showing up in life wasn’t good enough. They have taken to calling those trophies for everyone “finisher’s metals” as if merely completing the season is worthy of any recognition.

I made a vow to you when you were born and I still have that paper right here on my desk. That vow reads like this – Drew, I promise to do my best to guide and support you and to respect you enough to allow you to see the world through your own eyes. I promise to be your strength and emotional support until that times come that I have to let you fly.
Well my beautiful son, that time is fast approaching. The graduation announcements are being mailed, plans are in place for your 18th birthday, and your senior pictures are already taken. I have made plenty of mistakes the last 18 years and have held myself accountable to every single one of them, and the amazing thing is you have owned your part too. We have loved, we have fought, we have grown, we have supported one another, we have laughed and we have cried. A few years ago you even walked me down the aisle and although I know it was hard for you to accept another man into your home, you knew it was time to let go of the past and embrace a new future (something you will have to do many times in your life).

I’m so glad that I raised you to open doors for women, to respect people of all ages, to accept everyone and let them be the people they choose to be. I’m relieved that I always had the strength to discipline you and not get caught up in the latest crazes of parenting advice that were based only on self-esteem. You sat through plenty of time-outs and reflected on how you could be a better man. You have been grounded and had things taken away from you and learned that there are certain expectations that you have to meet. You have survived me raising my voice which will help you conquer an unfair world that won’t coddle you for any reason, Son. You have participated in household chores so that you will always know that in the end, there is just you and you have to take care of your business. You slept in your own bed your entire life and even cried it out a time or two as a baby, but you are an amazing sleeper and full of confidence in your emotional decisions. You lived through plenty of disappointments because I didn’t always say yes and never felt that I had to provide a long explanation as to why I said no.

Cheers to your future. I will always be here but you also know that it’s time to put on your big boy pants and start carving out your own life. That means you have to support yourself, make wise choices, and become a financially responsible adult. I know it’s in you. I look forward to watching you put your skills to work. I miss you already and you aren’t even gone.

Love,
Mom