Month: July 2014

I’d Rather Not Be Right

July 30, 2014Comments Off on I’d Rather Not Be RightBlog

We were talking about the way that different people deal with conflict and she said “you have to choose to either be right or to be intimate.” The statement resonated with me as I looked at different aspects of my life.

I wasn’t raised in a world of right and wrong like so many people were. I hear people all of the time say things like “you are right, I was wrong,” and I never really understand it. We all bring different perspectives to the table and nobody is ever truly right or truly wrong. One of the hardest questions I have ever been asked in my life by a very intelligent friend was “what was your 50 percent responsibility to your divorce?” It’s not that I didn’t feel responsible for my divorce, but at the time I was angry and sad and it was easier to point fingers than look inside myself for that answer. Once I answered it in my own heart and mind, it allowed me to have a closer relationship than I would have otherwise with my ex-husband. I chose to be intimate instead of right.

I watch all of the political fighting going on in our world today and the same thing comes to mind. What if the two sides stopped focusing on being right, and instead focused on getting along and building their relationships? Not only would the politicians benefit from living this way, but the whole world would be a more functional place. Everyone is focused on which side is “right,” rather than forging intimate relationships for the good of all. The social media sites are full of people screaming at one another about why they are right rather than people seeking common ground to find solutions. It is happening right now in the Gaza Strip and clearly it is time to admit that nobody is going to agree on who is right but perhaps they should figure out how to stop the killing of innocent people.

I sat my kids down last week and asked them what this meant to them. Would they rather be right or have close relationships with one another? It stopped them all in their tracks. The last few days when a small argument has ensued, I have asked them if they want to be right or close rather than try to intervene and determine who is at fault. My daughters, all on their own, found a solution to sharing some shirts they both like to wear but had been arguing over for several months. My younger daughter, who would admit her stubbornness and feistiness, is now keeping all of the shirts in her sister’s room since she knows she can borrow them at any time. They chose to be close, rather than focus on who was right and who was wrong. No more fighting and everyone felt good, not right.

This little sentence is changing my entire perspective. I would always rather be close than be right. People that are right just end up right. They end up alone and isolated. I don’t know if they even feel good being “right” once they have established in their own minds that they are indeed “right.” The people that they have made feel “wrong” have a lost a pound of their flesh and a part of their soul because they realize they can’t be close to the “right” person.

I’d rather not be right. I choose intimate relationships where people can make mistakes and learn and grow and compromise. Try asking your kids if they would rather be right or close the next time a fight ensues. It might just change your life, and theirs as well.

A Letter to My Employees

July 16, 2014Comments Off on A Letter to My EmployeesBlog

In the 18 years that I have owned my own business and been your employer, I have never had this conversation with any of you. In light of the recent news regarding health insurance benefits and coverage, I think it is time I explain my thought process as I sit down with my partner each year to go over the health insurance renewal options we are presented. I saw a couple of you in the hall the other day having a respectful debate about the Hobby Lobby decision and could tell that you were really having a debate about abortion and Obamacare and not health insurance benefits.

One of the promises we make to you as your employer when we sit down at the conference table with all of the options in front of us is to never bring our personal politics or beliefs to that table. Before Obamacare and after, we have always faced premium increases each year and had to either accept that or try to find another carrier with similar coverage and lower premiums, or absorb the increase ourselves. Through the years we have done both as long as we didn’t decrease your benefits in any way. Moving forward, those premium increases may be bigger or they may be smaller with the new law changes, but either way we have always felt the obligation to provide you (our employees) with health insurance benefits that would best protect you and your family. We want you to be healthy and happy. We respect you as people and we need you working at your best to serve our clients – effective health insurance contributes to your overall well being.

You will never have to worry that my political party affiliation, or my religious beliefs, will be brought up when those decisions are being made. We are all entitled to believe what we feel is right and those beliefs come from a lifetime lived by each one of us. We all have different parents with different backgrounds and have grown up influenced by a myriad of different things. How can I be an effective employer if I don’t honor those differences and respect your life journey, and how you arrived as an employee for our company? Our company functions like a family and our clients benefit from that because we do respect everybody in this company. We don’t single people out for living with someone when they aren’t married, having a child too young, getting divorced or dating someone of the same gender. Honestly, as your employer I don’t think about it all. I just want you to be as peaceful as you can be working for our company. As long as you aren’t breaking the law, we intend to stay out of every decision you make outside of these doors.

Last year we were given an opportunity to renew our premiums before Obamacare was effective. It was a lower increase if we acted prior to January 1. As we do each year, we looked at all of the carriers and premiums before we arrived at our decision. The only reason that I even looked at the list of doctors and prescriptions was to be sure that everybody was going to be covered if we made a change. I am aware of some of the health issues that you have because I work with you and we refused to change if it was going to impact you in any way. We feel that way because you are the life of our business. If I was going to subject you or your benefits to my personal or religious feelings on any issue, I would be disrespecting how hard you work every day to get up and get kids off to school and then show up here to make sure our clients are getting the best possible service.

I would feel this way if I had two employees or 50,000. You would all be human beings that deserve effective leadership no matter how big our company might be, or what services we deliver. I don’t care if you are a young employee or one of the top paid managers. You all deserve my best efforts to lead this company. My best efforts will keep things like government and religion and bias out of the workplace. You don’t want it here impacting you and neither do I. We show up each day as a team to accomplish tasks that will better all of our lives. We don’t show up to judge each other or fight over who is right or who is wrong in how they choose to live their lives.

When we pick the health insurance benefits for you, we will find the most comprehensive plan we can and let the insurance company decide on the particulars of each of the prescription drugs and doctors. If they just so happen to cover a pill that assists with abortion, I leave it up to you as to whether or not you want to use that benefit. My only concern is to make sure that if you are sick, you will be covered. We will make sure your doctor or specialist is available through the plan we select. We will absorb increases if we have to so that you can pay your bills and feed your family. We will not push our political or religious agenda on you in any way. If we start doing that, we have lost our ability to lead and shouldn’t be your employer. Thank you for working here. You can rest easy tonight knowing that we will always honor this commitment to keep out of your personal life whether we agree with it or not.

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