We were talking about the way that different people deal with conflict and she said “you have to choose to either be right or to be intimate.” The statement resonated with me as I looked at different aspects of my life.

I wasn’t raised in a world of right and wrong like so many people were. I hear people all of the time say things like “you are right, I was wrong,” and I never really understand it. We all bring different perspectives to the table and nobody is ever truly right or truly wrong. One of the hardest questions I have ever been asked in my life by a very intelligent friend was “what was your 50 percent responsibility to your divorce?” It’s not that I didn’t feel responsible for my divorce, but at the time I was angry and sad and it was easier to point fingers than look inside myself for that answer. Once I answered it in my own heart and mind, it allowed me to have a closer relationship than I would have otherwise with my ex-husband. I chose to be intimate instead of right.

I watch all of the political fighting going on in our world today and the same thing comes to mind. What if the two sides stopped focusing on being right, and instead focused on getting along and building their relationships? Not only would the politicians benefit from living this way, but the whole world would be a more functional place. Everyone is focused on which side is “right,” rather than forging intimate relationships for the good of all. The social media sites are full of people screaming at one another about why they are right rather than people seeking common ground to find solutions. It is happening right now in the Gaza Strip and clearly it is time to admit that nobody is going to agree on who is right but perhaps they should figure out how to stop the killing of innocent people.

I sat my kids down last week and asked them what this meant to them. Would they rather be right or have close relationships with one another? It stopped them all in their tracks. The last few days when a small argument has ensued, I have asked them if they want to be right or close rather than try to intervene and determine who is at fault. My daughters, all on their own, found a solution to sharing some shirts they both like to wear but had been arguing over for several months. My younger daughter, who would admit her stubbornness and feistiness, is now keeping all of the shirts in her sister’s room since she knows she can borrow them at any time. They chose to be close, rather than focus on who was right and who was wrong. No more fighting and everyone felt good, not right.

This little sentence is changing my entire perspective. I would always rather be close than be right. People that are right just end up right. They end up alone and isolated. I don’t know if they even feel good being “right” once they have established in their own minds that they are indeed “right.” The people that they have made feel “wrong” have a lost a pound of their flesh and a part of their soul because they realize they can’t be close to the “right” person.

I’d rather not be right. I choose intimate relationships where people can make mistakes and learn and grow and compromise. Try asking your kids if they would rather be right or close the next time a fight ensues. It might just change your life, and theirs as well.